In a recent discussion on modern dating, Serena Kerrigan, author of *Let’s F*cking Date: Become the Prize, Enjoy the Ride, and Never Settle Again*, shared insights and practical advice aimed at reshaping how people approach romantic relationships. Drawing from her personal experiences and observations, Kerrigan emphasized the importance of mindset, boundaries, and self-awareness in navigating the often challenging dating landscape.
Kerrigan highlighted the transient nature of feelings in dating, cautioning against adopting a defeatist attitude such as believing one will never find a partner. She advised treating oneself with the same kindness offered to close friends, which can foster a more positive outlook. She proposed a “3P theory” — potential, practice, and plot — to reframe the experience of going on dates. According to Kerrigan, every date serves a purpose: it either opens the door for future possibilities, provides practice in expressing authenticity, or becomes a memorable story, eliminating the notion of a “bad date.”
Acknowledging the unpredictable nature of the dating pool, Kerrigan stressed that individuals can only control their attitudes toward dating, not external factors. She encouraged stepping out of comfort zones by engaging in new experiences, such as visiting different venues or altering daily routines, to increase opportunities for meeting people. Kerrigan recounted her own shift when, at age 29, she committed to leaving New York and adopted a “vacation mentality” that led to greater openness and energy. This mindset eventually led to her meeting Felix, her current partner, after he invited her to his podcast; an encounter that underscored the value of vulnerability and clear boundaries in relationships.
Among Kerrigan’s practical recommendations for improving the dating experience is the advice to avoid overmanaging dates. She noted the shift in her approach from orchestrating every detail to letting genuine interest manifest through consistent effort from potential partners. She further advised limiting first dates to two drinks to prevent premature assumptions of intimacy, emphasizing the importance of pacing. Kerrigan also cautioned against developing relationships solely through texting, which can create misleading feelings of closeness.
Rejecting the notion of playing games to attract interest, Kerrigan encouraged individuals to maintain their own lives and avoid rearranging plans for dates. She underscored that genuine pursuits should be evident through actions, not manipulation. Another key point was the necessity of persistence, recognizing that rejection is common and that dating requires effort and resilience.
Kerrigan also touched on self-presentation, advocating for authenticity over performance. For example, she recalled choosing a bright lime green outfit on a pivotal date to express her true self rather than conforming to perceived expectations. She advised against leading with achievements as a defense mechanism and instead recommended embracing vulnerability as a strength.
Addressing the emotional toll of dating, Kerrigan stressed that ongoing anxiety in response to a partner’s inconsistency is a valuable indicator, signaling when a relationship may not be right. She encouraged readers to listen to such feelings rather than blame themselves.
Serena Kerrigan’s book is available now, providing detailed guidance for those seeking to approach dating with confidence and self-respect.