Starting at a new school or transitioning to a different educational level can present significant social challenges for students, including concerns about making friends and finding a sense of belonging. Experts and students alike offer a range of strategies to support children and teenagers navigating these changes.
Parents play an important role in facilitating opportunities for social connection, particularly for younger children. Activities such as playdates, attending birthday parties, and visits to parks or playgrounds create settings where children can interact. Asha Barber Sutton, a licensed marriage and family therapist and associate dean at National University in San Diego, emphasizes that caregivers have a considerable impact on how children experience friendships, especially in the early stages of school transitions. For example, Amira Fair, whose daughter Iman recently began first grade at a school in southern New Jersey, makes an effort to build relationships with other parents by attending events and exchanging contact information to arrange regular playdates.
However, experts caution that parents should not attempt to control their children’s friendships. Instead, they can encourage youngsters to reflect on qualities that make a good friend, such as kindness and honesty, and to develop skills for handling conflict. Conversations about what children value in friendships can help them evaluate their relationships independently as challenges arise. Fourteen-year-old Jaiden Journet, beginning high school in North Carolina, suggests that parents ask their children if they have found common ground with new peers as a way to foster connection.
Engagement in extracurricular activities often serves as an effective pathway to meet others with similar interests. Sixteen-year-old Shia Watts credits her involvement in theater production at Notre Dame High School in Sherman Oaks, California, with helping her form friendships. Similarly, Jamir Gonzalez, a senior at Uncommon Camden Prep High School in New Jersey, joined the basketball and debate teams to connect with fellow students. Once students have opportunities to interact, simple gestures such as smiling, complimenting others, or asking questions can initiate conversations. Young Iman Fair said she made her best friend by starting with a compliment about a shirt.
The role of technology in socializing is nuanced. While mobile devices and screens can hinder face-to-face interactions, experts note that technology also enables students to maintain friendships over distance through video calls and messaging. Parents are encouraged to discuss and negotiate appropriate boundaries around technology use with their children, especially teens, to balance online engagement with in-person social opportunities.
From a broader perspective, having even a single strong friendship or trusting adult relationship is linked to better mental health, improved academic performance, and reduced risk behaviors among students, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Nicole Hockley, CEO of Sandy Hook Promise, a nonprofit focused on school safety and violence prevention, stresses that one close connection can significantly enhance a student's sense of belonging and overall well-being. For students feeling anxious about new school environments, recognizing that others are also seeking friendship may help ease apprehension and encourage social engagement.
Ultimately, building friendships in new school settings involves a combination of parental support, student initiative, and opportunities for involvement that together foster connections and a supportive school experience.