A man has shared his experience coping with his wife’s multiple extramarital affairs during her 40s, raising questions about how to manage the aftermath and whether physiological changes such as menopause could have influenced her behavior.

The husband, identified only as Rory, recounted a series of incidents beginning when his wife engaged in a fleeting sexual encounter with a used car dealer shortly after a test drive. He later confronted her at the dealership, an episode that led to a tense exchange upon their return home. Subsequently, she had affairs with a colleague and then with a supervisor at her next place of employment—both men married. Rory said his wife showed no concern about his awareness of these relationships, and during an emotional confrontation, she reportedly told him, "Because I hate you."

Rory described enduring profound emotional turmoil over the three years these affairs took place, fearing the loss of his family, particularly their children, and experiencing deep despair. Despite his anguish, the marriage persisted, partly due to his wife eventually switching to a job without male coworkers. When they later discussed the situation, she attributed her infidelity to the menopause, which she suggested had caused changes in her personality and behavior. Rory expressed skepticism about whether this explanation was valid, noting that he no longer trusted her.

In response, an advisor expressed sympathy for Rory’s ordeal, acknowledging the severe emotional pain caused by his wife’s actions. The advisor suggested that the affairs may have been driven by a complex mixture of motivations, including a desire to reaffirm sexual attractiveness or to combat feelings of aging, common factors cited in similar midlife relationship challenges.

Regarding the wife’s claim that menopause influenced her conduct, the response indicated that such hormonal and emotional fluctuations during menopause can indeed result in significant changes in personality and behavior. The advisor recommended that Rory accept this as a credible explanation rather than dismissing it outright as an excuse. However, the advisor also emphasized that understanding the cause does not mitigate the lasting impact of the affairs on Rory’s emotional well-being, describing his experience as potentially traumatic.

The advisor noted several unanswered questions, such as the current ages of the children and how long ago the infidelities occurred, which could affect the family’s ongoing dynamics. The broader issue highlighted is how Rory might reconcile the past and move forward in a marriage now fundamentally altered by a period of betrayal and emotional upheaval.