A woman in her 30s who has been living in Spain for a decade has expressed concerns about her partner’s close relationship with his mother, describing feelings of anger, jealousy, and helplessness. The partner, a Spanish only child, maintains a strong emotional bond with his mother, which the woman perceives as codependent and potentially harmful to their relationship.
The partner’s father left the family during his teenage years to start a new family, a fact that may contribute to the mother-son dynamic according to experts. The woman noted that the mother often makes statements such as “I never see you,” which she finds manipulative. She also observed that her partner tends to be more affectionate toward her after spending time with his mother, a behavior she finds confusing and unsettling. Attempts to discuss the issue with her partner have been met with defensiveness, making it difficult to express her feelings.
To better understand the situation, the woman sought advice from Jason Maldonado-Page, a UKCP-accredited psychotherapist and social worker with a southern European background. Maldonado-Page explained that cultural factors play a significant role, as close-knit family ties are common in many Mediterranean societies. He emphasized that navigating family dynamics can be especially challenging when entering a relationship embedded in a different cultural and historical context.
Maldonado-Page pointed out that the partner’s upbringing—being an only child whose father left during adolescence—may have led him to feel a strong sense of responsibility for his mother’s emotional well-being. Such closeness, while often expected and typical in some families, can create tension within a couple. He added that the partner’s increased affection after visits with his mother might be less about manipulation and more about regulating anxiety or easing underlying emotional tensions.
The therapist advised the couple to reflect on their differing expectations and beliefs regarding familial closeness and loyalty to gain mutual understanding. Setting boundaries that respect the mother’s role without outright rejection may help reduce conflict. Maldonado-Page suggested the situation be viewed as a pattern involving all three individuals rather than framing the mother as solely invasive.
Ultimately, he cautioned against forcing the partner to choose between his mother and partner, as such ultimatums often undermine relationship harmony. Instead, focusing on what strengthens the couple’s bond and finding common ground may provide a more constructive path forward.