Ask Eric: How to encourage a mother to call more often

By the Editorial Team · Saturday, October 24, 2026

A woman in her 30s struggles to maintain phone contact with her mother in her 70s due to differing communication preferences, with the mother feeling neglected by infrequent calls. The advice columnist recommended that the daughter take the initiative to call regularly and explore alternative methods like video chats to sustain their relationship despite living apart.

A recent letter to a popular advice columnist highlights a common challenge in familial communication: differing preferences in how to maintain contact. A woman in her 30s expressed frustration about the infrequency of phone calls to her mother, who is in her 70s. The mother reportedly feels that she rarely hears from her daughter and often says, "You never call. I never know what’s going on in your life." However, the daughter explained that she dislikes talking on the phone, preferring to use email or in-person meetings to communicate, although they live in different towns, limiting opportunities for face-to-face interaction.

The daughter also noted that despite her mother's complaints about the lack of calls, the mother herself shows little initiative in reaching out. She asked for advice on how to encourage her mother to call more often.

The columnist responding to the query emphasized that while both parties share responsibility in maintaining communication, individuals can only control their own actions. The columnist suggested the daughter focus on what she can do—making the calls herself. Setting reminders on her phone was recommended as a practical measure to ensure calls happen regularly. Although the daughter dislikes phone conversations generally, the columnist pointed out that in the current circumstances, phone calls remain the most effective way for them to stay connected.

Additionally, alternative methods of communication were encouraged to be explored. Suggestions included trying video calls such as FaceTime, which might present a different and more engaging experience than traditional phone calls. Calling during multitask-friendly activities like chores or commuting, or continuing correspondence via email, were also proposed as supplemental options.

The advice stressed the importance of finding a communication style that works for both parties to maintain and strengthen their relationship. Until more frequent in-person visits are possible, regular phone or video contact remains the most viable way to bridge the distance and avoid a persistent stalemate over who initiates conversations.

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