As retirement approaches, couples are encouraged to discuss key issues to ensure both partners are prepared for the transition. While one partner may be eager to leave the workforce, the other may have concerns about the lifestyle changes that retirement brings. Experts emphasize the importance of open communication to avoid potential conflicts, especially as “gray divorces” — divorces among those aged 50 and older — have increased, accounting for nearly 40% of divorces in the United States. One contributing factor is the adjustment to spending significantly more time together than during working years.

Kyle Moore, founder and financial planner at Quarry Hill Advisors, advises couples to begin the retirement conversation by assessing their readiness individually and together. This alignment is essential for a smooth shift into shared retirement life.

One of the primary considerations is financial coordination. When one partner retires, managing finances as a single household unit can present challenges, including merging retirement savings such as 401(k) accounts, planning Social Security claims, and budgeting on a reduced or single income. Moore recommends asking the question: “Are you ready to make all our financial decisions as one?” as many couples may be accustomed to handling their finances separately before retirement.

Another critical topic is adapting to increased time spent together. Retirement often results in one partner being home throughout the day, which can strain relationships if unanticipated. Ellen Kennedy and her husband Kent Marcoux, who have been married for 26 years, offer a contrasting example. Kent retired three years ago and has embraced new activities such as kayaking, volunteering to teach veterans, and pursuing music—while also managing household duties including shopping, laundry, and pet care. Ellen, who continues to work full time, regards their arrangement positively, noting that Kent’s active lifestyle and their complementary routines have strengthened their relationship. She highlights the importance of a transition period, mentioning it took Kent about two years to adjust fully to the retired lifestyle.

Moore suggests couples address the question: “Are you ready for me to be around the house all the time?” to set realistic expectations and avoid feelings of suffocation or conflict after retirement.

Finally, couples should discuss their daily lives in retirement beyond the romanticized milestones like travel or relocating. Conversations about what an average day might look like, including how much time will be spent together or apart, can clarify expectations. Moore stresses the value of these discussions by recommending couples ask each other what their typical weekday might involve, which can help prevent misunderstandings and improve retirement satisfaction.

Experts agree that selecting a retirement date is not a decision to be made in isolation or haste. If one partner feels unprepared, ongoing dialogue is essential. Solutions may involve continuing to work longer for financial reasons or developing personal plans to maintain individual interests and social networks. Ultimately, retirement planning should be approached as a collaborative process that considers the needs and preferences of both partners to ensure a harmonious next chapter.