A woman in her early fifties has sought advice regarding the challenges she faces in her relationship with a partner struggling with heavy alcohol use. The man, 55, has been in a relationship with her for three years and has longstanding issues related to his drinking habits, which have put significant strain on their partnership.

According to the woman, her boyfriend’s drinking was severe prior to their meeting, regularly consuming large quantities such as ten pints or two bottles of wine nightly. While he reportedly reduces his alcohol intake when they are together, he tends to relapse during stressful periods. The man attributes his drinking to a traumatic childhood experience, the death of his father, and a difficult relationship with his mother, who reportedly sends hostile messages through mutual acquaintances.

This tension has led to episodes of anger and withdrawal in the boyfriend, including verbal outbursts directed at his partner, who describes herself as trying to offer support. Despite visiting him weekly, she reports that he has not come to her home in over a year due to discomfort around her sons. When the woman brought up the prospect of marriage, he responded by suggesting they remain friends, indicating reluctance to commit further.

The advice given emphasizes that while the boyfriend may express love when sober, his behavior indicates unresolved underlying issues and a lack of willingness to seek help. It was suggested that the woman consider the benefits she is gaining from the relationship and whether it contributes to her happiness. Encouraging professional counseling for the man and establishing boundaries by asking for space were recommended as possible steps forward.

The advisor cautioned that only the individual facing addiction can initiate meaningful change, and continued support without reciprocation may reduce his motivation to address his problems. Ultimately, if the situation remains unchanged, the woman may need to consider ending the relationship to preserve her well-being.