Concerns about the rise of permissive parenting and its potential effects on children’s development have been raised by child psychologist Dr. Siggie Cohen, who argues that many modern parents are overly cautious and uncertain in their approach. Cohen, whose work reaches millions of parents online, contends that the pendulum has swung too far from traditional authoritarian models to an excessive permissiveness that may hinder children's emotional and behavioral growth.
According to Cohen, parenting today often centers excessively around accommodating children’s immediate desires, with parents frequently seeking permission from their children for decisions that would be better guided by adults. She says this trend shifts children from being members of a family to becoming its focal point, complicating authority and discipline. While previous parenting styles—particularly the authoritarian approach—emphasized compliance often enforced through fear, the shift toward emotional intelligence and respectful communication has been positive. However, she warns that current practices risk undermining structure and leadership by granting children too much control.
Cohen’s forthcoming book, *You Are the Parent: Becoming the Calm, Confident Leader Your Child Needs*, offers guidance geared toward parents striving to balance validating children’s emotions while maintaining clear behavioral expectations. She advocates for distinguishing between feelings and actions, encouraging parents to acknowledge a child’s emotions like anger or sadness without condoning problematic behaviors such as aggression or tantrums. This approach, which she terms emotional behavioral proficiency, aims to teach children constructive ways to express themselves rather than immediately intervening or correcting them.
The psychologist also criticizes a tendency among parents to rush to resolve children's difficulties, which she says inadvertently fosters dependence and anxiety. Instead of solving problems on behalf of the child, Cohen recommends empathetic listening combined with questions that empower children to think through solutions themselves. She notes that parents often seek to "fix" situations because they find discomfort in seeing their children upset—an impulse that may have roots in the parents’ own upbringing.
Cohen also expresses concerns over the widespread use of social media, which promotes an unrealistic ideal of perfect parenting and amplifies parental anxiety. She argues this environment encourages comparison and pressure to “do it all,” contributing to stress and burnout.
Another area Cohen highlights is the excessive scheduling of children’s time with activities and clubs, a trend more common in the United States but growing elsewhere. She suggests that parents risk prioritizing accomplishments over resilience and problem-solving skills, which are crucial for long-term success.
She advises parents to reassess when they might be doing too much on behalf of their children and to allow them to experience failure and setbacks as learning opportunities. This, she asserts, is vital for children to develop independence and the ability to cope with challenges.
Cohen cautions against giving children decision-making responsibilities beyond their age or maturity, such as choosing their secondary school, as this can place inappropriate burdens on them and lead to anxiety. Instead, she recommends parents make such significant decisions and then collaborate to support transitions.
To manage everyday resistance—such as children refusing to brush their teeth or clean up—Cohen suggests a method of clear communication about non-negotiable tasks paired with creative engagement strategies. She encourages parents to validate children's feelings while reinforcing the necessity of responsibilities, framing routines as a mix of “we have to” and “we want to” activities.
Overall, Dr. Siggie Cohen’s message urges parents to regain confidence in their leadership roles, balancing empathy with clear boundaries to foster emotionally healthy and resilient children.