Many people struggle with delivering honest but difficult feedback, often hesitating out of concern for hurting others’ feelings. Research suggests this reluctance is widespread. In a 2022 study, less than 3 percent of participants alerted a research assistant to visible blemishes on their face, such as a blob of lipstick or food, highlighting a general hesitation to speak up in awkward situations.

Vanessa Bohns, a professor of organizational behavior and social psychology at Cornell University, has addressed this challenge in her recent book, *Should I Say Something?*, where she offers guidance on when and how to share candid feedback. She emphasizes that honesty can be valuable when it genuinely benefits the recipient. One practical test she suggests is to consider whether, if roles were reversed, you would want someone to point out the issue. People generally appreciate knowing when they are unknowingly irritating others or making errors.

Another strategy Bohns recommends involves imagining that someone else, particularly an expert in delivering feedback, would share the message instead of you. If you think the feedback should still be given in this hypothetical scenario, it is likely important and you may be the right person to do so.

Timing is another critical factor in effective communication. Emma Levine, a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, who studies honest communication, points out that deciding when to share negative feedback can be just as important as deciding whether to do so. She advises first asking if the person wants to receive advice; if they decline, it may indicate they are not ready to hear or act on it.

Both experts agree that feedback should be actionable. Providing criticism that cannot be addressed or improved upon is counterproductive. Bohns advises offering clear, specific suggestions and pathways for improvement, and cautions against sharing honesty when it might cause emotional harm without providing instrumental value.

These insights underline the nuanced nature of giving and receiving tough feedback: while honesty is generally appreciated and often necessary, it needs to be delivered thoughtfully, at the right time, and with a focus on constructive outcomes.