Boris Fishman, a novelist and educator, recently detailed his personal journey toward finding clarity and peace through retreat and silence, after years of struggle with professional and personal challenges. Fishman, whose work includes the novel “The Unwanted,” describes how the pressures of family life, creative endeavors, and relocation strained his sense of stability during his 30s.
Despite critical recognition for his writing and securing a teaching position, Fishman found himself emotionally unmoored. Marital difficulties, the complexities of parenthood, and the geographical divide between his and his wife’s aspirations left him feeling disconnected. He recounted the fruitlessness of traditional therapy and couples counseling, as well as his exhaustion from constant verbal expression—something he had cultivated since immigrating from the Soviet Union as a child.
Seeking respite, Fishman visited a silent retreat hosted by an ecumenical Christian monastic community in rural Georgia. The retreat, established in 1987 by civil rights advocate Fay Key and Methodist pastor Steve Bullington, offers a modest environment characterized by silent meals, daily prayer, and contemplative solitude. For $60 a night, attendees stay in simple quarters surrounded by fields, with limited modern conveniences and a focus on quiet reflection.
During his stay, Fishman relinquished his electronic devices and immersed himself in stillness and nature. He described the process of “rediscovering the physical world” through unforced observation and simplicity, noting the profound impact of silence on his awareness and sense of presence. The combination of communal sincerity and solitude allowed him to confront deeper emotions and reconsider his spiritual understanding, leading him to conclude that love constitutes the central purpose of existence—a perspective that resonated despite his non-Christian background.
Upon returning home, Fishman struggled to maintain the retreat’s lessons amid the demands of technology, family responsibilities, and ongoing marital conflict. He attempted a second visit to the retreat the following year, finding the experience less transcendent but equally grounding. Conversations with members of the monastic community, including Oliver Ferrari, a monastic brother, highlighted the humility and authenticity of those seeking refuge there, many of whom wrestle with their own challenges away from public acclaim.
Fishman reflects on the immigrant ideal of “being yourself” and the tension it carries in a culture emphasizing self-reinvention. He acknowledges grappling with a sense of not truly belonging despite external success and acceptance. The retreat experience helped him recognize the futility of “faking fellowship” to fit into environments where he never felt fully at home.
Ultimately, Fishman’s journey underscores the importance of intentional silence and community in navigating identity, belonging, and personal growth. He emphasizes that while discovering one’s path may be gradual, it begins with the courage to stop speaking long enough to listen—to oneself and to others. The retreat’s quiet environs provided a space to foster this insight, offering lessons he hopes to share with his children as they grow and face their own quests for meaning.