Former professional footballer Michael Owen recently shared candid reflections on his parenting style, admitting that he does not tell his children that he loves them—a practice he acknowledges as a “bad thing.” Speaking on a podcast hosted by former reality TV star Jamie Laing, Owen revealed that while he is becoming “softer,” he still does not feel comfortable expressing verbal affection.
Owen’s comments have reignited conversations about differing parenting approaches, particularly regarding the expression of love and affection. These approaches often reflect generational and cultural influences. Actor David Tennant, for instance, recalled a childhood where verbal expressions of love were absent but has since adopted a more vocal style with his own children, saying they regularly exchange “I love yous.” By contrast, Owen’s upbringing was marked by a similar reticence; his father seldom expressed pride or affection, which Owen says left him fearful of disappointing his father.
Despite this, Owen advocates for a form of “tough love,” emphasizing the motivational force of striving to earn approval and recognition, describing the rare moments of praise as particularly rewarding. His experience highlights the complex dynamics formed by evolving social norms around parenting, as well as the enduring effects of one’s own childhood environment.
Over the past century, attitudes towards parenting have shifted significantly. Earlier psychological perspectives warned against overt displays of affection, fearing they might harm a child's development. Today’s parents have access to broader research on child development, alongside the influence of social media figures who often promote idealized or sometimes questionable parenting methods. This diversity of guidance underscores why a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting remains unlikely.
Psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb offers a metaphor to describe effective parenting: children need the balance represented by an aquarium—an environment that provides both freedom and security. Too little expression of love can leave a child feeling adrift, while excessive affection may overwhelm them. The goal, Gottlieb suggests, is a middle path that supports healthy emotional growth.
Attachment theory, first conceptualized by psychoanalyst John Bowlby in the mid-20th century, underscores the essential role of early bonds in human development. Insecure attachment can lead to difficulties forming healthy relationships and may fuel a relentless drive for achievement. Owen’s own words about his football career—driven in part by a desire to please his father—reflect this dynamic.
Although the long-term effects of contemporary parenting models are still unfolding, Owen’s openness has been noted as a small step toward a broader dialogue on parental emotions, especially within traditionally stoic environments like professional sports. His acknowledgment of fear and emotional vulnerability contrasts with prevailing masculine norms in football, which often discourage such expressions.
Owen also shared a more unconventional view during the podcast, expressing disdain for watching films and describing it as “fakeness,” signaling a personal outlook shaped by his experiences beyond parenting.
Overall, the discussion highlights ongoing generational shifts and the nuanced challenges parents face in balancing love, discipline, and emotional expression.