The experience of being alone is increasingly recognized as a vital life skill, with varying implications depending on whether solitude is chosen or imposed. Alexandra Shulman, former editor of Vogue, reflects on her personal journey with solitude, highlighting its complexities and nuanced emotional landscape.
Shulman describes her current temporary separation from her husband David, who is abroad, as a transformative experience. The solitude reshapes familiar home spaces, making them feel unfamiliar and resonant with an absence of others. This sensory shift in the environment underscores the profound impact of living alone, even within a shared household.
Her first experience living alone occurred in a one-bedroom flat in London at age 27, marking a significant milestone after overcoming severe panic attacks related to being alone. At the time, she was unaware of the term “panic attacks,” but her condition had required constant companionship as a coping mechanism. Living alone represented both a challenge and a necessary step toward regaining control and independence.
Shulman distinguishes between solitude as an empowering choice and loneliness as an often unwanted state. She references writer Olivia Laing, who describes loneliness as an isolating feeling, distinct from mere physical solitude and capable of occurring even in crowded settings. This distinction highlights that being alone does not inherently equate to feeling lonely, nor does presence of others guarantee connection.
During her years living alone, before sharing life with a partner and raising a family, Shulman enjoyed the freedom to curate her personal environment completely, from music to bookshelves, without compromise. Yet, she acknowledges that this autonomy was sometimes tinged with the stark reality of solitude, such as the emotional moment triggered by discarding a former partner’s favorite mayonnaise.
Shulman also recalls moments when solitude was a welcome reprieve amid the pressures of a highly social editorial career. During fashion weeks in cities like Paris, Milan, and New York, she often retreated to solitary hotel rooms, savoring the space and freedom from team dynamics and professional responsibilities.
As people age, the prospect of being alone often becomes more acute, shaped by changing family dynamics and the loss of loved ones. The presence of a shared life becomes the norm for many, making a return to solitude potentially unsettling. Shulman suggests that while society teaches numerous practical skills, learning to embrace and navigate solitude holds critical importance due to its inevitability in life’s trajectory.
Her reflections, adapted from her forthcoming book *Black Coffee And Red Lipstick*, underscore the paradoxical nature of solitude—as both a space for creativity, freedom, and personal reflection, and a challenge shaped by fear, change, and adaptation. The ability to live well alone may ultimately be among the most valuable competencies one can cultivate.