Greg Wise, the actor and author, has shared a candid account of his personal journey through grief and therapeutic healing following the loss associated with fertility struggles. His reflections detail the challenges he and his partner faced after multiple unsuccessful in vitro fertilisation (IVF) attempts and the emotional toll that ensued.

Wise and his partner, Emma, experienced initial success with IVF resulting in the birth of their daughter Gaia just before the year 2000. However, subsequent IVF cycles failed repeatedly, leading them to make the difficult decision to cease treatment. Wise describes the aftermath as a plunge into what mental health professionals now classify as prolonged grief disorder, a condition estimated to affect about one in ten people who are unable to come to terms with a loss after six months. He noted the overwhelming feelings of helplessness, disbelief, and numbness that persisted, which evolved into a profound depression.

Acknowledging the stigma and personal reluctance he initially felt toward seeking psychological help, Wise revealed how ingrained cultural attitudes toward emotional expression, particularly among men, hindered his willingness to pursue therapy. He reflected on his upbringing and masculine ideals that emphasized stoicism and self-reliance, which made the early stages of therapy challenging. The therapy he first encountered involved approaches that were predominantly emotion-driven, demanding an openness and vulnerability he found difficult to access.

After exploring different modalities, Wise ultimately engaged with cognitive analytic therapy (CAT), which better suited his analytical mindset. This approach helped him map out and understand the patterns of his grief and emotional responses. Over several months, he worked with his therapist to reconstruct his narrative and confront the complex layers of loss that had shaped his emotional state.

Wise also highlighted a significant insight from his therapeutic experience: he and Emma processed their grief in markedly different ways—her grief being deeply emotional, his more cerebral. This difference contributed to feelings of isolation in their shared experience but underscored the individual nature of mourning. Through therapy, Wise learned the importance of recognizing and validating both his own and others’ grief, fostering a greater sense of empathy and connection.

Despite the pain and difficulty, Wise emphasized that therapy offered him relief from the exhausting role of ‘saviour’—a persona shaped by childhood experiences and family dynamics. He came to accept the irreversibility of certain losses while embracing the present joys, particularly the profound love and gratitude they felt for their daughter.

Wise’s reflections underscore the complexity of grief, particularly when compounded by fertility struggles, and the critical role that tailored therapeutic support can play in navigating such emotional terrain. His account contributes to the broader conversation about mental health and the necessity of addressing grief openly and compassionately.