A woman in her late 30s reflects on her journey toward self-discovery and the search for inner stability through a unique connection with turtles at a conservation site in California. Drawing parallels between the instinctive navigation of sea turtles and her own life, she explores themes of love, identity, and personal growth.
The woman, who experienced multiple relationships early in life—including four marriage proposals, two marriages, and two divorces by age 30—describes a pattern of adapting herself to fit the needs of partners without finding lasting security or self-acceptance. Approaching 40, she felt as though the best years were behind her, leading to exhaustion from the emotional labor of relationships that demanded constant self-reinvention.
Seeking solace, she began volunteering at the Turtle Conservancy, located on 90 acres at the base of California’s Topatopa Mountains. There, she cared for over 600 turtles and tortoises, participating in daily activities such as cleaning enclosures, preparing food, and applying coconut oil to their shells. Through this work, she gained new insight into the protective and enduring nature of the turtle’s shell, which she initially misunderstood as a temporary covering but came to appreciate as an integral part of the animal’s identity.
Her favorite resident was a Galápagos tortoise named Damien, a creature capable of living more than a century. Damien’s unhurried and steady behavior, including his habit of blocking doorways until ready to move, resonated with her evolving mindset—a shift toward moving at her own pace without apology or pretense.
The woman's reflections also highlight an emotional awakening enabled by the turtles’ response to gentle touch. When a turtle’s shell is softly scratched, it performs a behavior known as “finching,” in which it slowly rises to meet the sensation with acceptance rather than haste. This contrasted with her own earlier approach to relationships, which she characterized as rushing and emotional “lunging.”
By stepping back from romantic pursuits—eschewing flirting, casual sex, and dating apps—she focused on cultivating a sense of self independent from external validation. Her experience underscores a broader theme: the challenge of reclaiming one’s identity after years of conforming to others’ expectations, and the importance of embracing stillness to rediscover true resilience and confidence.
Scientists refer to the period between a sea turtle hatchling’s birth and its eventual return to its natal beach decades later as the “lost years,” due to limited data on its activities during that time. Yet, the woman draws a parallel to her own journey, suggesting that like the turtle, she was never truly lost. Her path required patience and attentiveness to an internal compass that ultimately guided her back to a grounded, authentic self.
Through this metaphor of the turtle’s long and deliberate life cycle, the woman’s story offers a reminder that personal growth often involves unlearning, waiting, and finding strength in solitude, rather than in the pursuit of immediate connections or external security.