In May 2022, a 31-year-old sex coach was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin lymphoma, a form of blood cancer, which profoundly affected not only her health but also her sexual identity and intimacy. Although initially aware that chemotherapy would temporarily reduce her libido, she did not anticipate the long-term impact on her sensuality and connection with her body.
Following six rounds of chemotherapy marked by symptoms such as nausea, fatigue, mouth sores, and numbness in her extremities, she experienced medically induced menopause, which brought additional challenges including hot flushes and vaginal atrophy. Despite support from her partner, whom she married in 2024, she found herself emotionally and physically detached from her former sexual confidence and pleasure. Traditional strategies she recommended to clients—such as mindful bathing and meditation—failed to reignite her sexual spark, leading to feelings of numbness and disconnection.
Her struggle echoes broader findings, with research indicating that more than 85% of cancer patients suffer sexual difficulties, though the topic remains largely taboo. Motivated by her experience, she embarked on a journey of healing through candid conversations with other sex experts, which she documented in a podcast titled *Come Undone: A Sex Coach Goes There*. These discussions illuminated the traumatic effects of cancer on sexuality and offered insights into recovery.
Her history of interest in women’s sexual pleasure began during her studies at Edinburgh University, where she focused on the history of sex and gender. An informal discussion with friends about faking orgasms and sidelining personal pleasure despite feminist ideals sparked her commitment to addressing such issues. In 2017, she launched a global survey of 500 women that revealed widespread trends of sexual shame and disconnection.
Before her diagnosis, she transitioned from a career in television production to becoming a clinical sexologist and sex coach, drawn particularly to neotantric approaches that emphasize sex as a spiritual and holistic practice involving both body and mind.
Her diagnosis was preceded by symptoms including breathlessness, night sweats, chest pain, and unexplained bruising. A large tumor next to her heart was confirmed through MRI scans. During treatment, she was subject to frequent medical procedures and coping with side effects such as hair loss and weight gain, experiences she found especially difficult despite her professional advice that self-worth exceeds physical appearance.
Her journey was further complicated by her father’s diagnosis with aggressive skin cancer, who passed away shortly after she entered remission in January 2023. The profound grief, combined with the aftermath of her treatment, left her feeling alienated from her own body.
Seeking professional guidance outside of her own expertise, she engaged in sex coaching and therapy to rebuild her relationship with her body and sexuality. Key components of her recovery involved addressing trauma and releasing anger connected to her illness. One notable therapeutic exercise involved visiting a rage room, where smashing objects helped her express pent-up emotions. Another expert guided her through techniques to rebuild trust and connection with her body after feeling a sense of betrayal due to the cancer diagnosis.
Today, she acknowledges that her former self has changed, but she has embraced this transformation. She reports feeling more connected, confident, and vibrant in her intimate life. Looking ahead, she and her partner are expecting their first child later this year.