Angela Duckworth, a psychology professor at the University of Pennsylvania and author of the forthcoming book "Situated: Find the People and Places That Bring Out Your Best," emphasizes the vital role of seeking help as a key factor in success. Drawing from personal experience and research, Duckworth challenges the common American ideal of rugged individualism, highlighting instead the importance of interdependence in achieving high performance.
Duckworth recounts a life-threatening incident when she and her 86-year-old mother were caught in a strong current while snorkeling off Miami. Her mother lost consciousness after inhaling water, and Duckworth’s initial attempts to swim against the current while supporting her mother proved futile. Ultimately, it was signaling for help and the intervention of trained rescuers that saved both their lives. This experience underlined for Duckworth that asking for assistance is crucial, especially in emergencies, but also in personal and professional contexts where Americans are often encouraged to rely solely on themselves.
Historical and cultural narratives frequently glorify self-reliance, exemplified by figures like Thomas Edison and Steve Jobs, who are widely portrayed as lone inventors and innovators. Duckworth, who previously wrote about grit and perseverance, argues that this narrative overlooks the consistent contributions of others in the success of top performers. She notes that every individual she has studied credits a network of support rather than solitary effort.
She highlights examples such as Nicolai Tangen, CEO of the world’s largest wealth fund, who openly acknowledges the essential role his assistant, Grete Starheim, plays in his leadership. Similarly, comedian Conan O’Brien famously expressed gratitude to the many people who helped him reach a milestone moment as a Harvard commencement speaker.
Extensive research supports the value of seeking help. Children who request assistance typically achieve better academic outcomes, and college students who proactively seek support outperform their peers who do not. In adulthood, maintaining a support network is linked to improved emotional regulation and overall mental health. In the entrepreneurial sphere, collaborative environments enhance success rates. The venture capital firm Y Combinator, for instance, prioritizes funding co-founders and encourages founders to engage with peers through structured group interactions.
Duckworth also points to psychological studies revealing a "self-sufficiency illusion," where individuals overestimate their ability to accomplish tasks independently. One experiment showed that children believed they could solve a problem alone even after succeeding only because they observed and received help from others.
Success, according to Duckworth, does not come from solitary effort but from recognizing and utilizing available support—whether asking a teacher for clarification, seeking advice from mentors, or collaborating with colleagues. Research indicates that most people appreciate the opportunity to provide help, contrary to the fear of being a burden.
Duckworth’s experience serves as a reminder that interdependence strengthens resilience and achievement. Five years after the near-drowning incident, her mother recently celebrated her 91st birthday, a testament to the enduring impact of reaching out for help.