During a snorkeling trip off the coast of Miami, a psychologist recounted a life-threatening incident involving her 86-year-old mother. Both were swept behind their boat by a current, and her mother, overwhelmed by panic, inhaled water into her lungs and lost consciousness. Efforts to rescue her by swimming against the current proved futile, prompting the psychologist to signal for help by keeping her mother’s head above water with one hand and waving frantically with the other. Rescuers arrived in time to pull them to safety, highlighting the critical role of seeking assistance in emergencies.
This experience serves as a framework for a broader discussion on the importance of asking for help, not only in crises but also in personal and professional settings. Despite widespread cultural emphasis on rugged individualism—especially in the United States—many successful individuals and psychological studies underscore the value of interdependence and cooperation.
The idea that success stems solely from personal grit and self-reliance has long been celebrated, with iconic figures such as Thomas Edison and Steve Jobs often portrayed as lone innovators overcoming obstacles independently. However, research and firsthand accounts reveal that even highly accomplished people recognize the indispensable support of others.
Nicolai Tangen, chief executive of the world’s largest wealth fund, emphasizes the contributions of his assistant, Grete Starheim, who not only represents him but also challenges his decisions. “Why should such important people end up in the shadows?” Tangen asks, questioning the stigma around admitting the need for help. Similarly, comedian Conan O’Brien acknowledged at a university commencement that his achievements were the result of collective effort, noting the countless individuals who contributed to his opportunity to speak.
Studies reinforce these personal accounts, showing that children who seek assistance tend to learn more effectively, while college students who proactively seek help outperform their peers who do not. In adulthood, support networks are linked to better emotional regulation and overall mental health. Entrepreneurial success is likewise enhanced through collaboration, with venture capital firms like Y Combinator prioritizing teams over solo founders and encouraging founders to share experiences and advice.
Cognitive psychology research highlights an “illusion of self-sufficiency,” where individuals underestimate the extent to which others have contributed to their abilities. For example, in experiments involving problem-solving tasks, children who observed demonstrations and received hints performed better, yet many still believed they could have succeeded on their own.
The message is clear: being a successful self-starter is not about solitary struggle but about recognizing when to seek guidance and support—whether by asking a teacher for help, consulting a former boss, or engaging a team to solve complex challenges. Contrary to the fear of burdening others, research suggests people generally appreciate opportunities to contribute aid.
The psychologist’s mother, who survived her ordeal with help and recently celebrated her 91st birthday, embodies the lasting importance of asking for assistance as a vital habit for success and well-being.