A mother who adopted two children with significant trauma-related behavioural challenges has spoken candidly about the difficulties she and her family have faced, revealing a complex and emotionally taxing experience that has profoundly affected their lives.

The children, Lucas and Sophie (names changed), were adopted after both had experienced early adversity. Lucas, now 11, struggled with engagement in schooling, particularly during the COVID-19 pandemic when learning moved online. His need for constant structure and attention, coupled with occasional violent outbursts when overwhelmed, placed significant strain on the family. The mother described Lucas as a sweet boy underneath his behavioural challenges but acknowledged that parenting him was far from the experience she had anticipated.

Despite these struggles, the parents decided to adopt a sibling for Lucas in 2022. The five-year-old girl, Sophie, had a history of multiple foster placements and two failed reunifications with her biological mother, who has severe bipolar disorder and a history of substance abuse. Social services removed Sophie from her mother’s care at nine months, but there was uncertainty over potential prenatal drug exposure. The adoption agency warned the family about Sophie's post-traumatic stress disorder and behavioural difficulties, including hitting, biting, scratching, and property destruction. Two prior attempted adoptions had ended with families returning Sophie, citing similar challenges.

Initially hopeful, the family soon encountered difficulties managing the siblings’ interactions. Both children exhibited intense behaviours that escalated into violence, requiring close supervision. Sophie's distress often resulted in loud tantrums, while Lucas reacted adversely to the noise and chaos. Six months after the adoption, Sophie was diagnosed with ADHD, but her behaviour worsened over the following year. She exhibits violent tendencies toward her mother, including scratching, biting, and kicking, resulting in multiple injuries. The family has required police intervention on several occasions, with responding officers adopting a supportive approach rather than enforcement.

Sophie’s school eventually deemed they could not ensure her safety, especially after she left a threatening note following a bullying incident. She was subsequently transferred to a residential facility, where she now resides during the week and visits home on weekends and holidays. Earlier this year, Sophie received a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder, a condition linked to early neglect that impairs the ability to form healthy emotional bonds. The mother expressed that while the diagnosis validated her experiences, she is pessimistic about the potential for treatment to improve Sophie's condition.

Meanwhile, Lucas continues to present behavioural challenges, including demanding the mother’s presence overnight and ongoing violent episodes. The cumulative pressures of caring for both children have taken a significant toll on the family’s wellbeing. The parents have sought therapy and are both on medication for anxiety and depression. The mother disclosed that the intensity of their caregiving responsibilities contributed to the breakdown of her marriage. Though they plan to divorce within the next two years, they intend to cohabit until their children reach adulthood to maintain stability.

The mother reflected on the concept of “blocked care,” describing how chronic stress can blunt caregivers’ emotional responses to traumatised children, complicating parenting efforts despite their best intentions. She emphasized that while she loves her children and wants the best for them, the experience has been far from what she envisioned, and she now questions her decision to adopt under such challenging circumstances.

Looking ahead, the family fears the children’s struggles may intensify during adolescence and that both may require lifelong support, with limited prospects for full independence. The mother’s account sheds light on the complex realities and emotional burdens that can accompany adopting children with significant trauma histories.